Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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