Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
my phone needs a breathalizer
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you inspire me to be a worse person
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
