No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
