is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
