Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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