We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
This is classic penis vs brain.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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