420 ftw
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
