this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
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He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
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this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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