Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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