When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
