Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
