i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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