You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
