i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
