I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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