As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
