That's when you crack a 10am beer
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
