I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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