i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
