there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
