Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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