Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
