After last night, I could never be a politician.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
