Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
