wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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