i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
