Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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