I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
we made out on top of his cat.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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