he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
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