so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
