$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
