I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We have so much sex to catch up on
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
