I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
