the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
