Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
