Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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