I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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