I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
