You're so nebulous sometimes
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
