it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize