my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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