is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
