Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
