also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
