I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
This house was built for laser tag.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
