Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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