I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
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some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
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I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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