We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
