Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
