i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize