Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Randomize
