all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
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They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
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Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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