fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize