Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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