i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
