Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
