I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
