what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
