Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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