i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
