I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
being pregnant is like rehab
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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