and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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