exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
