I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
