You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
