We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
