I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
COCAINE IS GR8
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