I smell stomach acid.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
