when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
