all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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