dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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