At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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