Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
