I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
